I just hate it when you wake up and you feel like you have a cloud hanging over you. Doubt and fear and anxiety weigh you down before you even set foot out of bed. There is no apparent reason for it, but simply a terrible feeling that it isn't going to be okay. It makes you want to roll over and go back to sleep. All you want to do is hide.

That's how I felt this morning. I don't know why. Everything in my life was settling so heavy on my heart. I did not want to get up and I did not want to face the day ahead. I laid there for nearly an hour struggling with my feelings and trying to convince myself to snap out of it. Surprise, surprise, nothing changed until I took it to God. I don't know why I waited so long. I laid there and prayed for quite awhile. I laid everything before Christ and asked Him to search my heart and remove everything that wasn't of Him. I asked His Holy Spirit to fill me up and move in me without any hindrance from me.

It didn't all go away, but it was drastically better. I think the timing is interesting. I had an amazing conversation with my Dad yesterday where we were able to talk about life. We were able to disagree and work through it in a healthy way instead of just letting the arguments sit and fester between us. I was so happy. Then last night Ashley took me to the young adult church service at her church and it was like God was speaking directly to me. My soul was encouraged and challenged and I was on fire!

This morning I wake up and can't even convince myself to get out of bed. What is going on? Praying helped things a lot. Is it a spiritual attack? I would be willing to bet that's part of it. God and I have been doing really well recently. I can't imagine that Satan is overly happy about the progress. A fire is burning in my heart for Jesus and I am making decisions and taking a stand where I have been unable/unwilling to for quite awhile. It's about time that things get difficult again, that the enemy tries to slow me down and drag me back.

Consumed my mind distracted all the time.
I cant figure out this world of lies.
She walks into her mind of aggravation.
She looks into the eyes of empty sad frustration.
Now I'm wandering around and I wanna be found,
but I don't wanna lose my sight.
I'm blind, I'm losing my mind, I'm getting behind,
it all keeps bringing me down.

And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.

Consumed your mind distracted all the time.
you cant figure out this world of lies.
Now your wandering around and you wanna be found,
but you don't wanna lose your sight.
your blind, your losing your mind, your getting behind,
it all keeps bringing you down.

I say, not now, you cannot bring me down
I won't lose this time,
It's time to draw the line,

And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.
And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.

That's a song that I listened to a lot when I was sixteen and way into Everyday Sunday. It's a song that encouraged me today. I am not going to let Satan bring me down - not now. I won't lose - I'm drawing a line. I will live for Christ - today, tonight, and for the rest of my life. Trials may come and storms may knock me to my knees, but I'm never going to quit holding onto the Truth.