Without the hope of Christ in my life, I think life would be insufferably depressing.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about where my life is headed. Where am I going? I feel like I'm aimlessly wandering. That has been the theme of my summer, and I think it's okay. I've used the summer to travel and enjoy time with friends and family. Summer has come to an end. I'm exhausted and I'm confused. I know nothing about finding a job. All my other jobs have more or less fallen into my lap. I'm a hard worker and I have no doubt that I can succeed at whatever I put my mind to. It's just a matter of finding the right job and making sure I'm not doing things on my own power - but relying on the guiding of the Holy Spirit.

Real life is so different from what I have experienced. Real life is tied down. I can't pick up and go visit friends whenever I want. Real life has many responsibilities. Bills and chores and the pressure to make sure things happen. I've experienced all of this, but never full-blown, full-time. I know I can make it, it just seems like an awful lot right now.

I have so many decisions to make this month. Where to live: FL or IN? Where to work? Where to go to school next fall? How do I use my money wisely? How do I balance between saving my money and still enjoying experiences? How will I spend my free time?

I need to set some goals about spending time with God. I've been doing a lot of praying recently, but spending time in the Word and listening for God's voice has been sporadic at best. I really, really want to be where God wants me to be and I want to be a faithful follower of Christ. I've been playing with the idea of starting up another blog where I will make it a goal to reflect daily about what I'm reading in Scripture and what God is revealing to me. I think it would be good because it would add accountability and motivation for me to spend time in the Word. It sounds terrible to say that I need motivation, but I suppose that's what accountability is anyway - a form of motivation to make sure things happen. So, be looking for that in the near future. I'm sure some entries will be long, and others will be short. My goal is simply to make sure that I open my Bible each day. If along the way, others can be encouraged or challenged by my reflections, then that's awesome.

Africa has continued to be on my mind frequently. I've been sorting through my pictures in order to make a photo book and print off pictures for scrap booking. I know I'm idealizing things, but I miss that place. I want to go back. The question is: Does God want me to go back? Why has Africa been on my heart so much recently? Am I supposed to raise money to send over to help people? Am I supposed to go back to encourage people? Am I supposed to go back long term? I don't know. I keep thinking that I'm just not cut out for long term living in another country. What if I'm wrong? I suppose God will make things clear in the years to come.