So the exact quote from Vampire Diaries that I mentioned a few entries ago is as follows:

"I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment that... the world is just going to come crashing down and I don't know if I can survive that."

Another quote from the pilot (which I watched this afternoon) that also really resounded with me:

"Dear diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay.

I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was. Create a life with someone new - someone without the past.

Without the pain.

Someone alive.

But it's not that easy. The bad things stay with you.

They follow you.

You can't escape them, as much as you want to.

All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in, because you need it. I need it."

I can relate to that character in some ways so much... Her parents died four months earlier, mine didn't (obviously), but I feel like I have the same cloud of sadness hanging over me that she does. I can just feel her pain - I know exactly what it's like to try to pretend everything is okay, but it's not.

You smile and laugh and try to be normal. You know you're not normal - you know that your heart feels like it's bleeding on the inside. Most people don't catch onto what's wrong, but you can't entirely fool them. They know that something about you is different - weird. So they don't treat you like they do other people. They don't take the time to get to know you. So the cycle is perpetuated. More hurt, more sorrow, more pretending.

Why do the bad things stay with me? Why can't I escape them? I've tried... So many times, I've tried. They are always there - just one step behind me. As soon as I am tired of running - of striving to be free - they pounce on me. They bring me down again. I am helpless to do anything but let them have their way with me - they beat me and bruise me until I don't know if I can go on. When they finally leave me, it takes days before I can move again. Then, slowly, somehow, I manage to stand - and I start to run again. And there they are - chasing me. My familiar demons.