So much is going on, yet nothing at all, in some ways. I feel strangely unmotivated to write, which I sincerely hope changes come November. Nanowrimo doesn't work very well when one has writer's block...

I'll be moving down south next week. I'm looking forward to the warm weather and finding a routine - a job, a church, a social life. I'm also anxious about it all. I wish I could just fast forward a few months and jump into an already-established life. I hate these beginnings. I hate having to start from scratch and build up a network of friends and familiarity with things and schedules. It feels like I've ended up doing that a lot in my life already.

I made a comment to someone at church yesterday about how I wasn't looking forward to that aspect of moving because of how unsure of myself I am. She acted sincerely surprised and made a comment about everything I've done - college, Africa, etc. If only I could just mentally pull that all together, pile it up and let it bring me confidence. Somehow, I still find myself feeling like a sad, young & scared girl who is sure that she will be rejected.