Today has not been a good day for writing. I've had a killer headache since about two o'clock this afternoon. It's nine now and just starting to subside. It has made it very hard to think. I also am just not quite feeling it today. My plot seems stuck. I want to move things along, but I feel like the plot needs to keep being at a plateau in order for the characters to get developed enough to make the crisis emotional and meaningful enough. Ugh. I finally managed to write my minimum 1,667 words. I think I also managed to do a lot of character development in those words, as well as introduce some conflict, albeit not the major conflict. That will hopefully come within the next 10,000 words. That's my goal. I just hit 20,000! That makes me want to party. This is the farthest I've gotten in NaNoWriMo since I won back in 2003. I got stuck the last year I did it (2007) at around 15,000 words. Onward to victory!

My room is oddly empty. I don't like it. It makes me feel unsettled. Moving makes me feel unsettled. I really hate new starts. I really hate change. I'm looking forward to it, but it makes me feel anxious. It's weird how there are both sides to the situation.

I am torn. So torn these days. How do I juggle living in America and being responsible with what I have after my new knowledge of the world? How do I let it affect me? How do I keep from being selfish and greedy?

I've been having some good conversations with God at night before I fall asleep. I'm glad. I think in a lot of ways I am completely fed up with religion - including Christianity. It was good for me to realize this and to realize that I am not fed up with God. Jesus is still my Lord and Savior. I can still worship Him. Now, when I say I am fed up with Christianity I am not saying that I am becoming something other than a Christian. I simply mean I am fed up with the lifestyle and mindset of so many people who claim to be Christians. I am tired of getting caught up in it. I want something fresh and relevant and something that is making a difference.

I could tell you about some of the events of my day, but after divulging those thoughts, I think I shall refrain. Let's suffice it to say that it was a good day, but as usual, I have a lot of internal conflicts and questions.

NaNoWriMo Word Count Meter from Write or Die